problem 1: hostel
finally gotten my own room.. and what's best is that i got one near to my coursemates and is a single room~~ whee.... haha.. i'm so thankful i couldn't express it.. :)
really, everything happens for a reason.. this experience have taught me to appreciate help from others, to be patient and to keep the faith in God.
problem 2: friendship
i'm not sure whether it's a problem or not (lol) but let's just jot down some thoughts...
i think i may have seen some real personalities of those around me but i dun wanna comment much.
however, i have learnt tat to really survive in the outside world, we must learn not to depend on others too much. and i do mean in all aspects. unless they are ur soulmates like my 5 besties. but really, the lesser u depend, the lesser hurt u will get. :)
problem 3: u
i think i'm at a stage of plateau with relationship stuff. the feeling now is like, ok fine, if i get u, i get u. if i don't, the world doesn't end.
i'm taking a bet, against ur reactions to my promptings.
the dateline is still one month away, so let's give it our all shall we? :)
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
an emotional post late at night...
life's been a roller coaster ride these past few weeks.
one second i'm smiling like an idiot and the next, i feel like i drop to hell.
maybe it's the hormones tat are making me a mess (cheh.)
but for once, i'm emotionally imbalance.
i don't know what i want,
i don't know what to do,
i don't know how to move on,
and i don't know how to cry.
i've been motivating myself this whole time,
but i dont know how long more can i hold on.
i'm sick and tired of all the drama around me,
and i just wish i have a place to hide and feel safe.
the smile is getting faker by the day,
even i can't really accept the me now.
maybe i just gotta learn to turn a blind eye on things,
for the sake of my poor heart which has been bearing a lot of emotional stress these days.
they say the loneliest person laugh the loudest
and the weakest person smile the widest.
and i couldn't agree more.
one second i'm smiling like an idiot and the next, i feel like i drop to hell.
maybe it's the hormones tat are making me a mess (cheh.)
but for once, i'm emotionally imbalance.
i don't know what i want,
i don't know what to do,
i don't know how to move on,
and i don't know how to cry.
i've been motivating myself this whole time,
but i dont know how long more can i hold on.
i'm sick and tired of all the drama around me,
and i just wish i have a place to hide and feel safe.
the smile is getting faker by the day,
even i can't really accept the me now.
maybe i just gotta learn to turn a blind eye on things,
for the sake of my poor heart which has been bearing a lot of emotional stress these days.
they say the loneliest person laugh the loudest
and the weakest person smile the widest.
and i couldn't agree more.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
没有感觉。。
有时候，我很希望我是个冷酷，没感觉的人。
在我现在的生活里，不知是自己太感情用事，如此幼稚和依赖人，
还是现在的人，八成是假的。
竟然为了这点小事搞emo，看来自己还不够坚强。
可是， 我很感谢因为这件事而有了你的陪伴。
真的，谢谢你。
我会努力的。：）
在我现在的生活里，不知是自己太感情用事，如此幼稚和依赖人，
还是现在的人，八成是假的。
竟然为了这点小事搞emo，看来自己还不够坚强。
可是， 我很感谢因为这件事而有了你的陪伴。
真的，谢谢你。
我会努力的。：）
Sunday, September 8, 2013
emotionally drained..
it's the start of a new semester, but the hostel living environment is giving me a headache.
i'm currently in denial to accept the place so i'm literally running away from reality.
after the cleaning, it did actually started to look more like a place suitable for living, except the toilet.
i think i prefer more of an emotional support to actually live in tat place becoz i'm feeling lonely there.
sure, i know my current housemates, but i dun think we have the right frequency.
if only i actually have a coursemate living at the place, i would not have hesitated to accept it.
because, wat am i to do if they all have classes and i don't.
i dun really like the idea of being alone at that place.
am currently praying for a better situation either way.
also to keep telling myself to have faith in God's decision.
I feel his presence in mass today and i was so overwhelmed i nearly cried.
He was there and he answered my questions again.
although this semester started off on the wrong note, i sincerely pray tat the rest of the semester will sail on smoothly.
i'm currently in denial to accept the place so i'm literally running away from reality.
after the cleaning, it did actually started to look more like a place suitable for living, except the toilet.
i think i prefer more of an emotional support to actually live in tat place becoz i'm feeling lonely there.
sure, i know my current housemates, but i dun think we have the right frequency.
if only i actually have a coursemate living at the place, i would not have hesitated to accept it.
because, wat am i to do if they all have classes and i don't.
i dun really like the idea of being alone at that place.
am currently praying for a better situation either way.
also to keep telling myself to have faith in God's decision.
I feel his presence in mass today and i was so overwhelmed i nearly cried.
He was there and he answered my questions again.
although this semester started off on the wrong note, i sincerely pray tat the rest of the semester will sail on smoothly.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
it's time..
it's time to stop thinking about the what ifs and just go on with life.
it's been an awesome holiday this time around, thanks to u,
for the constant advices and the unstoppable crap chatting.
i have learnt to manage myself and my feelings better this time,
and i have decided to just go with the flow.
happiness is something u have to grab on to yourself , they say.
but i say, wat is mine, will come back to me eventually.
it's not that i don't want to go for it this time, but i can't.
because i know, u don't want it.
i asked, indirectly.
counting down to the days where i give myself a dateline,
for now on is exactly two months time.
and when that day had passed and nothing works,
then i will let go of my feelings and free myself of u.
so that i can fly again,
to meet the one who wants to stay.
becoz life doesn't stop for anybody,
and it is my duty to live mine to the very best i can.
it's been an awesome holiday this time around, thanks to u,
for the constant advices and the unstoppable crap chatting.
i have learnt to manage myself and my feelings better this time,
and i have decided to just go with the flow.
happiness is something u have to grab on to yourself , they say.
but i say, wat is mine, will come back to me eventually.
it's not that i don't want to go for it this time, but i can't.
because i know, u don't want it.
i asked, indirectly.
counting down to the days where i give myself a dateline,
for now on is exactly two months time.
and when that day had passed and nothing works,
then i will let go of my feelings and free myself of u.
so that i can fly again,
to meet the one who wants to stay.
becoz life doesn't stop for anybody,
and it is my duty to live mine to the very best i can.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
There was a period when i really hated the sight of red jelly.
Because it brings back unhappy moments during my primary school time.
I remembered always telling my mum to prepare food whenever there is a party in class.
and being a busy mum, she would always make the same thing: red jelly. (now tat i think mayb coz she dun know how to cook other things.. :P)
i used to be proud.
But everytime after the party, my mum's red jelly would still have leftovers while the other food brought by my friends were all finished. and i get very upset everytime there's leftovers wondering what's wrong with my mum's food. (i think there's some showoff thing among the classmates. u know, children.. XD)
So as time passed, i would just tell her not to bring anything and i grew to hate the red jelly (i'm not sure i remember hating mum or not but i pretty well guessed i did.. XD)
I stopped eating them and somehow mum also stopped making them. (whereby i just found out because she can't precisely control the amount of water needed.. LOL!)
A few days back, thanks to my glutton brother's request, mum made some red jelly.
Today, as i taste my mum's red jelly after missing it for a decade, i remembered the younger arrogant me who stopped eating the red jelly just for a funnily idiotic reason.
and i also made a mental note to remember to cook better food for my children in the future so they could show off to their friends! (yikes, gotta start learning how to cook! )
Because it brings back unhappy moments during my primary school time.
I remembered always telling my mum to prepare food whenever there is a party in class.
and being a busy mum, she would always make the same thing: red jelly. (now tat i think mayb coz she dun know how to cook other things.. :P)
i used to be proud.
But everytime after the party, my mum's red jelly would still have leftovers while the other food brought by my friends were all finished. and i get very upset everytime there's leftovers wondering what's wrong with my mum's food. (i think there's some showoff thing among the classmates. u know, children.. XD)
So as time passed, i would just tell her not to bring anything and i grew to hate the red jelly (i'm not sure i remember hating mum or not but i pretty well guessed i did.. XD)
I stopped eating them and somehow mum also stopped making them. (whereby i just found out because she can't precisely control the amount of water needed.. LOL!)
A few days back, thanks to my glutton brother's request, mum made some red jelly.
Today, as i taste my mum's red jelly after missing it for a decade, i remembered the younger arrogant me who stopped eating the red jelly just for a funnily idiotic reason.
and i also made a mental note to remember to cook better food for my children in the future so they could show off to their friends! (yikes, gotta start learning how to cook! )
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