Just some random late night thoughts..

as of today, i am currently 21 & 7 months of age.
i have crushes but nvr a bf.
i have friends who have an uncountable amount of exes, friends who are engaged, friends who are married and friends who are enjoying motherhood.
and then i have friends who are like me, foreveralone.. haha.. (joking la)

sometimes i do get jelly seeing all those lovely dovey couples on fb, and i wonder if i will be as bad as they are someday.
but seeing my current busy and abnormal lifestyle, life's good being a free bird.
no strings attached to anyone, not having the need to report my daily life to someone and not having to worry about missed calls and unread msgs from someone.
so, enjoy being a free bird and go do things a tied bird can't do. enjoy it until u get tired of it. it is then when one is willing to settle down for good.

because no matter wat, it's actually nicer to have a nest to rest in at the end of the day after a long flight.
a place or a person to spill out ur happiness, ur worries, ur anger and ur sadness and not having to worry if they will betray u or judge u.
one who would really be there for u physically, if not emotionally and support u, telling u everything will be alright soon.

and being a free bird myself, i am still searching for the nest, one who makes me feel at ease and one who makes me willingly let go of the freedom i have.

emotionally tired..

2nd week into clinical posting here..
emotionally tired due to the effort of coping with all the drama happening around..
the unspoken-comparison between several uni students,
the continuous shootings from the therapist on my lack of knowledge
(just because i'm a freaking degree student)
the uselessness feeling in the gym
etc etc etc..

but my head of department gave me some hope and advice in dealing with this matter:
"as a student, u are here to learn and not to rub shoulders. so learn all u can while u are here. "
"ask and seek for your knowledge and you shall be answered."

so i'm currently learning to let go of the negative feeling that's all coped up in my heart these few days.
so looking forward to the weekends!! :)

questions? answers?

i asked the questions tat i wonder.
and even though it wasnt the answer i wanted,
u answered my questions without doubt.

I am not finding for a rich, handsome, very highly educated or hometown-near-to-me guy.

I am finding for someone who despite not having all the above, 

would be able to make me feel completely me,no pretend no lies.

who would be able to love me for me, despite all my uncountable flaws.

who would always be there to listen, despite all the busyness.

who would be able to calm me down, despite all the drama.

however, i am also very realistic.

no matter how much two person love each other,

they still need their own space away from each other.

falling in love doesn't mean 2 person becoming one, 

but rather half of each other, combining into one.

the other half of them, still exists as they themselves.

i wont question your everyday living,

but of course, i hope tat you would tell me a few because i do worry bout u.

i wont expect u to love me over your family,

because i may love mine more too.

i wont expect u to stay up all night talking to me,

because i need to sleep too!

but it would be nice to get a midnight chat now and then.

would it be too much to ask for all this? 

远距离的恋爱问题，
我考虑的，
多到我若再想，
我就会疯掉。

见面问题，
时间问题。
金钱问题，
信心问题，
未来的问题。

确实我在这方面很胆小，

可是心里想了又想，

还是觉得若因为害怕而不去做，
总有一天， 我一定会后悔。

我也有一种妙想天开的想法，
我相信，
如果两个人能一起努力，
远距离，
再累都好，
也应该不会是个问题。

或许很幼稚，
可是这是我所以能坚强的信念。

还有真的，
你若愿意往前走一步，
我会向你走前其他那九百九十九步。

been holding on with a lot of difficulties these days..

i see u on the net,

but i cant talk to u.

just because it's awkward and i dun know how.

i felt suffocated, till the extent i have to stop doing things and take multiple deep breathes.

yes, it is that bad.

my friends scold me as to y did i even choose this period to do such things.

i told them because u somehow have the ability to affect my daily living,

and i needed to put an end to it.

but it was also a bet, to see for your response when i meet u then,

most probably for the last time. 

it's been a week now. 

so far, i have only cried once, 

but for some other things.

i am still learning on how to cry,

yes, i am that much of a coward.

and i am still learning to express my real self more,

and yes, i am that much of a pretender.

i look forward to getting the answers to my questions from u, 

and i look forward to selfishly express myself to u,

so i can look forward to letting go of u,

and look forward to meeting some other ppl. 

but then again, how long will i take?

will i be able to hold on till then? 

我们， 

没有任何一张照片， 

错过的机会， 

或许是个好事， 

让我能记得，

对你最后的印象，

是我最爱的，

你的笑脸。

只是， 

我能记得多久呢?