I AM LIKE A FOOL.

Few dramatic happening lately. Why oh why cant i be left out from the drama??

I am disappointed,
again and again,
by the same group of people.
but then,
again and again,
I went back to them,
like a fool.

For four years,
I tried hard to fit in.
But I guess at the end of the day,
what's not yours will never be yours.

And as I calm my crying self,
I reminded myself that they were sent into my life,
to teach me a life lesson.

Yes, you may help others,
but they have no responsibility to help you.
You are willing and have done much more for them,
but sometimes they cant and wont even do a simple thing for you.

It's a reminder for the future
that the workplace will have a lot more people like them or worst.

But today, let me cry all I want for having my heart broken.

the joy of observing..

sometimes i like to travel alone.
not that i have no friends but just because i know the joy of travelling alone.
i like to spend time sitting around and observing the passer bys,
of how they communicate with one another,
and of how cute their interaction are.

i see the happiness, the sadness, the bored-ness and the frustrations.
i hear of people complaining of friend's betrayal,
how they lose hope i their loved-ones,
how was their day at work,
and how is their family.

and i am constantly reminded of how despite this place being a cold rough world,
there are still people who are kind enough to make the world a better place.

i miss you.

i miss you
i miss talking to you
i miss having someone to complain to
i miss having someone to share with
i miss seeing you
i miss bumping into you
i miss your smile
i miss your laughter
i miss everything about you
i really miss you.

clinical posting in penang..

1 more week to go.
this time next week, i will be back in my comfy hostel room, preparing for my osce the next day.

from the first day up till now, it is certain that i have learnt a lot of things,
be it clinical handling skills or my soft skills.

The human relationship in workplace is truly a dangerous trap where there is literally no such thing as trust.
betrayal can happen anytime by anyone for any reason, whether is of the reasonable or not.
As the saying goes, "be afraid of the fake friend who hugs you than the enemy in front of you".
it is truly an eye opener and lesson for someone like me with minimal working exposure.

not much knowledge from peads which is a bit disappointing since i was very interested in that field.
but we were lucky to get an experienced clinician who expertise in women's health whom really taught us well. at the very least, we have some experience rather than none. :)

and it may also be here, where i found my calling.
so far, it is getting included in my future planning.
but will i really do it, well, let's see wat is gonna happen in these few years.
till then, let's study hard and smart, get more knowledge for the benefit of my patient.

the important thing now is i work for the satisfaction and smile of my patients.

missing home..

haiz.. i miss home alot nowadays.. mayb esp since i'm sick recently..
i haven really been away that far for so long so i'm kinda not used to it.. haha..
and i do notice i became more and more attached to home as i grew older..
i wasn't as wild as i was and i just plain love to stick my butt at home rotting..
maybe this is wat they call the downside of growing up..

2 weeks more!! let's hang in there!! :)

Just some random late night thoughts..

as of today, i am currently 21 & 7 months of age.
i have crushes but nvr a bf.
i have friends who have an uncountable amount of exes, friends who are engaged, friends who are married and friends who are enjoying motherhood.
and then i have friends who are like me, foreveralone.. haha.. (joking la)

sometimes i do get jelly seeing all those lovely dovey couples on fb, and i wonder if i will be as bad as they are someday.
but seeing my current busy and abnormal lifestyle, life's good being a free bird.
no strings attached to anyone, not having the need to report my daily life to someone and not having to worry about missed calls and unread msgs from someone.
so, enjoy being a free bird and go do things a tied bird can't do. enjoy it until u get tired of it. it is then when one is willing to settle down for good.

because no matter wat, it's actually nicer to have a nest to rest in at the end of the day after a long flight.
a place or a person to spill out ur happiness, ur worries, ur anger and ur sadness and not having to worry if they will betray u or judge u.
one who would really be there for u physically, if not emotionally and support u, telling u everything will be alright soon.

and being a free bird myself, i am still searching for the nest, one who makes me feel at ease and one who makes me willingly let go of the freedom i have.

emotionally tired..

2nd week into clinical posting here..
emotionally tired due to the effort of coping with all the drama happening around..
the unspoken-comparison between several uni students,
the continuous shootings from the therapist on my lack of knowledge
(just because i'm a freaking degree student)
the uselessness feeling in the gym
etc etc etc..

but my head of department gave me some hope and advice in dealing with this matter:
"as a student, u are here to learn and not to rub shoulders. so learn all u can while u are here. "
"ask and seek for your knowledge and you shall be answered."

so i'm currently learning to let go of the negative feeling that's all coped up in my heart these few days.
so looking forward to the weekends!! :)