我希望
有一天
我能卸下心防
把恐惧抛掉
带着相机
一个人
去发掘
这异想不到的世界。。。

我是这么的希望着。。

a plan for my future?

i was doing some thinking, since it's the holidays and i am very, extremely and ultimately free..

to me, a boyfriend is something that is beyond my reaching capabilities in which i have no courage to pursue for due to past events that had unfortunately occurred. the scar has heal indeed with time, but the impact changed the way i go for love..

after the incident, i had already engraved in my mind that not getting married isn't that big of a matter nor is not having a boyfriend. yes, ppl worry about stuff like getting old alone etc and my dad always say that life is not complete if u are not married whatsoever but i have a different plan for my future in which i won't die old and alone.

i was thinking of giving birth of a child my own, in the more scientific way if i am tat unlucky to not have a husband. i mean, i like children and i always have a feeling tat i will love my children more than my husband (if i do get married)... haha.. yes, i know i can adopt a child but i always feel that being a real mother, from the process of being pregnant, experiencing the morning sickness, watching how my body changes for a child and the ultimate painful labour is something which really makes u feel like a mother and also which enables u to understand how loved u are when u were born.

but then i started to think about my child's feeling.. how would he be treated without having a father..? will he be bullied? am i being selfish in doing so just because i dun wanna die alone?

i still have no answers to this but i hope tat in time to come, i will have them.