it's time..

it's time to stop thinking about the what ifs and just go on with life.

it's been an awesome holiday this time around, thanks to u,
for the constant advices and the unstoppable crap chatting.

i have learnt to manage myself and my feelings better this time,
and i have decided to just go with the flow.
happiness is something u have to grab on to yourself , they say.
but i say, wat is mine, will come back to me eventually.
it's not that i don't want to go for it this time, but i can't.
because i know, u don't want it.
i asked, indirectly.

counting down to the days where i give myself a dateline,
for now on is exactly two months time.
and when that day had passed and nothing works,
then i will let go of my feelings and free myself of u.
so that i can fly again,
to meet the one who wants to stay.
becoz life doesn't stop for anybody,
and it is my duty to live mine to the very best i can.

There was a period when i really hated the sight of red jelly.
Because it brings back unhappy moments during my primary school time.

I remembered always telling my mum to prepare food whenever there is a party in class.
and being a busy mum, she would always make the same thing: red jelly. (now tat i think mayb coz she dun know how to cook other things.. :P)
i used to be proud.
But everytime after the party, my mum's red jelly would still have leftovers while the other food brought by my friends were all finished. and i get very upset everytime there's leftovers wondering what's wrong with my mum's food. (i think there's some showoff thing among the classmates. u know, children.. XD)
So as time passed, i would just tell her not to bring anything and i grew to hate the red jelly (i'm not sure i remember hating mum or not but i pretty well guessed i did.. XD)
I stopped eating them and somehow mum also stopped making them. (whereby i just found out because she can't precisely control the amount of water needed.. LOL!)

A few days back, thanks to my glutton brother's request, mum made some red jelly.

Today, as i taste my mum's red jelly after missing it for a decade, i remembered the younger arrogant me who stopped eating the red jelly just for a funnily idiotic reason.

and i also made a mental note to remember to cook better food for my children in the future so they could show off to their friends! (yikes, gotta start learning how to cook! )

fighting with myself every night.. to do or not to do... the consequences.. the regret...
i feel like digging my own grave again...
a different person, the same feeling, or maybe worse..

haiz, suan le ba...

nowadays feeling a bit moody. all becoz of a thing called 'love'. it's a troublesome thing really. sometimes i makes u happy, and in another makes u sad. i'm a newbie in this subject, so will u treat me kindly? 

emo... :(