been holding on with a lot of difficulties these days..

i see u on the net,

but i cant talk to u.

just because it's awkward and i dun know how.

i felt suffocated, till the extent i have to stop doing things and take multiple deep breathes.

yes, it is that bad.

my friends scold me as to y did i even choose this period to do such things.

i told them because u somehow have the ability to affect my daily living,

and i needed to put an end to it.

but it was also a bet, to see for your response when i meet u then,

most probably for the last time. 

it's been a week now. 

so far, i have only cried once, 

but for some other things.

i am still learning on how to cry,

yes, i am that much of a coward.

and i am still learning to express my real self more,

and yes, i am that much of a pretender.

i look forward to getting the answers to my questions from u, 

and i look forward to selfishly express myself to u,

so i can look forward to letting go of u,

and look forward to meeting some other ppl. 

but then again, how long will i take?

will i be able to hold on till then? 

我们， 

没有任何一张照片， 

错过的机会， 

或许是个好事， 

让我能记得，

对你最后的印象，

是我最爱的，

你的笑脸。

只是， 

我能记得多久呢?

我们今天无语，
你有点不知所措，
我不懂要如何开口，
所以只有看着彼此，
不停的傻笑。

我克服了,
这多年以来,
心里的恐惧,
可是却以然得不到,
想要的结果。

后诲吗?
嗯，有一点。
可是白米已煮成粥，
将错就错吧!

所以亲爱的自己,
你要多加油哦!

"最近经常抬头仰望天空，
不是为了欣赏天空的美，
而是为了不让眼泪流下来。"

现在我要慢慢找回我自己
一个只属于我自己的自己
或许会用很长的时间
或许会很自私
可是
这会是我爱自己的想法。

the time has finally arrived,
where a decision is to be made,
for one of the most important matter in my life.

and dear self,
whether ur choice is right or wrong,
u have to stay strong,
in order to face the consequences.

but do not be afraid,
because u are allowed to breakdown along the way,
as long as u remember,
to stand back up and carry on.

think carefully and wisely, do not rush.
throw out all the what ifs and just do it.
rationalized it out with ur brain,
but also, listen to the voice deep down in your heart.

for it will lead u there.